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ぶろ愚の骨頂

ぶろ愚の骨頂

源九郎の日々のつれづれ、心のつれづれ、Mac & iPhone 3Gのつれづれ

5

2007


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2007年05月26日(土)

今年もそろそろかな [戯れ言]

 5月の雨。
 もう5月も終わろうというのに北海道は寒い。
 残り少なくなった灯油をタンクに移してストーブ焚いてます。ッてか、寒いならタンクトップでいるなよッてな。
 まぁ、寒いのは気温の所為だけじゃないけど…。

 由仁町の一部でイチゴ狩りが始まったというニュースを見たけど、多分ハウスだな。それとも露地も始まったンだろうか?
 イチゴ狩りは青空の下がイチバン。
 一昨年、山の上のイチゴ畑で青空の下、風に吹かれながらのイチゴ狩りは気持ち良かった。
 多分、来月の後半には“毎年恒例の”イチゴ狩りだな。去年はひと足遅かったけど、今年こそは遅れずに行かなきゃな。
 ま、予定を立てるのは元同僚のオネーチャンたちだけどね。

 …暖かくなってくれるといいンだけどね。

Posted by 源九郎 at 22時30分   パーマリンク

2007年05月25日(金)

逃げの一手 [闇夜の独り歩き]

 ゲイ専用SNSのメインをKO-BOXからmen's mixjpに変えます。
 やっぱり、まだまだ辛い。本気なのを知るだけでますます苦しくなるンでね。

 だから逃げることにした。
 弱ッちぃオレはしっぽ巻いて逃げる。向き合っちゃいられないから。笑って見てはいられないから。出来ることならもう知りたくないから。

 とりあえず、退会はしないから、これからもちょくちょく覗いてしまうンだろうけど、強くなるまでもう少し距離を置いてみようと思う。

 現実逃避と云われりゃそれまでだけど、弱ッちぃオレは、今はしっぽ巻いて逃げることしか出来ないンだよ。

Posted by 源九郎 at 22時02分   パーマリンク

2007年05月22日(火)

頭と心のアンバランス [闇夜の独り歩き]

 気の抜けた毎日。
 何もやる気が起きない。ぶろ愚ネタ思い付いても、結局書かぬままに放置。

 まぁ、それでも最低限のやるべきことはやってるかな。と、思うけど…。(困ったことに、やらなくていいことは結構やってるな…)



 もう考えまいと思っても、どうしても考えてしまう。
 頭では理解し、納得していても、やっぱり気持ちはそうは行かない。それは、これまでにも経験済みだし、こうなることは最初ッから判ってはいたンだけどね。
 くるッと180度、気持ちを切り替えられたらどんなに楽なンだろうか。
 なンだか疲れました。

 もうやめとこうかな。年も年だしね。
 来年40ッて考えたら、この先もう絶対無理に思えてきた。
 この先何度も同じこと繰り返すのも、辛すぎるしね。



 え〜、間もなく復活します。

Posted by 源九郎 at 23時37分   パーマリンク

2007年05月17日(木)

がまんの口実 [闇夜の独り歩き]

 ただいま無茶遣い中。
 オークションでDVDをバカみたいに落札したり、会社帰りにパチンコ・パチスロに興じたり…。
 金がなければ“行けない”理由にもなるもンな。それで自分を納得させられる。

 ヤケクソの神様降臨中?
 ハハハハハ…。

 いつものことだよ、と、ふと思い出す。そう云や、歯医者に行きたかったンだよなぁ…。
 でも、歯医者の予約が面倒臭い。どこの歯医者に行ったらいいのかも判らない。
 探して予約。面倒臭ぇなぁ…。
 まぁ、これも行けない口実になるからいいか。
 早く予約入れなければ…。

未確認情報:GREEの必殺コミュによると、『必殺仕事人2007』の放送は6月20日だそうだ。
この情報が本当ならあと1ヶ月。待ち遠しい〜。

訂正…6月30日土曜日でした。(確定かどうかは別にして)

Posted by 源九郎 at 04時33分   パーマリンク

2007年05月13日(日)

強くならなきゃな [闇夜の独り歩き]

 今月はどこへも行かない。そう、どこへも…。
 しばらくは少し落ち着いて考えてみようと思う。

 まぁ、答えは出てるンだけどね…。

 最初から無理があったンだ。好きになるのは自由だが、それを表に出したり、ましてや伝えるべきじゃなかったのかも知れない。
 もし今度また、この先またいつか誰かを好きになるようなことがあったなら、その時は気を付けよう。

 今は時間を置いて気持ちを落着かせ、そして、もう少し強くなろう。
 今も弱いわけではないが、決して強くもない。
 惚れた相手が幸せを見つけた時に、笑顔で「おめでとう」と云えるくらいに、惚気話を聞いても、どっしりと平然としていられるくらい強くなりたい。
 せめて、独りでも平気でいられるくらいには強くならなきゃな。この先、もう少しは生きていかなきゃならないンだろうから。

画像(240x180)・拡大画像(480x360)

サクラの命は短い。

 オレはなんでもない取るに足らない存在かも知れないが、オレにとっては特別な存在。でも、いつまでもそンなこと云ってちゃいけないよな…。






 …矛盾は承知してるよ。




 

Posted by 源九郎 at 17時40分   パーマリンク

2007年05月09日(水)

闇に融ける [闇夜の独り歩き]

 幸せになってくれればそれでいい。そう思っていても、それを目の当たりに突き付けられるとやはり心が痛む。

 2年間味わって来た痛み。
 それをまた味わうことになるとはね。

 今は全てを閉ざして、暗闇の中に身を潜めていたい。
 そしてそのまま闇に融けて消えてなくなるのもまんざら悪くない…。

Posted by 源九郎 at 00時48分   パーマリンク

2007年05月08日(火)

過去の産物 [戯れ言]

 先日ヤフオクで手に入れたMOドライブで探したかったものの一部がコレ↓。(ご覧になるためにはQuickTime pluginが必要です)

(166KB)

 以前、印刷会社に勤めていた時、仕事の合間、あくまでも仕事の合間にチマチマと作ったもの。
 PhotoShopで1コマ1コマを保存して、最終的にQuickTime Playerでムービーに仕上げたもの。
 他にも色々チマチマと作ったのだが、興味のある人がいたらまたアップします。

Posted by 源九郎 at 10時30分   パーマリンク

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