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ぶろ愚の骨頂 学習能力まるでナシ

ぶろ愚の骨頂

源九郎の日々のつれづれ、心のつれづれ、Mac & iPhone 3Gのつれづれ

9

2006


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2006年09月05日(火)

学習能力まるでナシ [今もそこにある光]

 冬ッちが新たにやりたいことを見つけたことで、元カレAのコトを思い出した。

 元カレAとオレが知り合った頃のあいつの夢は店を持つことだった。喫茶店のような、ちょっとした食事ができるおしゃれな店。
 Aの両親に会いに行った時に、連れられていった老紳士がやっている店が手本らしく、こんな店をやってみたいと目を輝かせて云っていたっけ。

 しばらくして、学校の体験授業とかで、5日間ほど保育園での仕事に触れたAは保育園での仕事や子供たちとの触れ合いがよっぽど性に合ったらしく「やりたいことが見つかった。オレ、保育士になる」と宣言。保育士になるには短大や専門学校で資格を取らなければならないと知るや、進路を短大に決め、それまで進級すら不安だったのに、両親に頼んで家庭教師を雇ってもらい、その夢のために一生懸命に勉強し始めた。

 もともとの「店を持ちたい」という夢は、「大切な人たちに、美味しいものを食べてもらいたい」そんな思いが「店」と云う形で夢に描いていたらしい。
「でもそれも必要なくなった」
 新しい夢を見つけた後に会った時にあいつはそう云った。
「だって、将来、源さんと一緒に住むようになったら、源さんに毎日食事を作ってあげられるから。大切な人に食事を作ってあげられるなら、店は必要ないの」

 あいつのもう一つの夢は、大好きな人と一緒に住むこと。
「学校を卒業したら一緒に住もう」
 それが二人の約束。

 それをオレが裏切った。

 オレには預金がなかった。一緒に住むには、オレがいまの仕事を辞め、Aの地元に引っ越し、新たに職を探さなければならないのにそのための蓄えが全くなかった。蓄えるどころか浪費し続けた、と云った方がいいだろう。

 それを知った時、あいつの心の中からオレは消えたンだ。

 オレがフラれたのは、オレがあいつを裏切ったから。

 オレがあいつの夢を壊したから。

 フラれて当然なのだ。

 別れてから、あいつが果たして短大に合格したのかすらオレは知らない。知る術がない。
 知りはしないが、オレは合格したと信じている。そして来年春。無事合格して、晴れて保育士になる夢を果たすことだろう。
 そして、もう一つの夢は、オレではない、別の誰かともう既に果たしているかも知れない…。

 そしてオレは…。

 何も学習していない。あれから2年以上も経つというのに結局預金もなし。蓄えもないクセに無謀にも転職や転居を図ろうとしている。
 楽観主義にも程がある。

 学習能力のないオレには、結局、恋愛すらする資格はないのかも知れないね。

Posted by 源九郎 at 15時52分

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